My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
