I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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