one two three fourrrrnication!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
