Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
