Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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