yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
