For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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