Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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