I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
