she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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