Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
