You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
