I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
