Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
