He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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