the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
