I want to walk on stilts...naked
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
