how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
