I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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