last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
