I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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