Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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