i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
