I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
