THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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