I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
