So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
