Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
