Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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