I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
