WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
