Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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