New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
