the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
