i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
