never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
