You work out of a Hotel?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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