sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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