I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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