I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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