He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
