Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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