Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
