Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
