I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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