I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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