my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
