if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
