my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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