At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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