she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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