I've blown a few things in my day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
